August 7, 2014

Back into Czech, mate!

Beer, German tourists and permissive sexuality: These are the hallmarks of just about every country we visit. Everyone likes to talk about how good their beer is, how annoying all these German tourists are, and how sexually permissive the people are in the next town over.
so horny he can't be bothered to put shoes on
But in at least two European countries it may actually be more true. One is Belgium and the other is The Czech Republic.

Blessed with some of the best water (100 year old breweries built over natural springs coming from the Alps make a might crisp pilsner) and a historically depressed economy exasperated by the EU (its in the EU but they don't use Euros so it easy to travel here and most things are cheaper) naturally you can imagine a lot of people like to visit the Czech Republic.

Czech shares a border with Germany, one of the wealthiest countries in Europe. Often tourists are annoying, because they flaunt their wealth and feel entitles to be jerks because they are paying for service. So people all over Europe love to talk shit about rich, annoying German tourists.

showing off the biker package is one way to display family wealth
Also sex. Logic follows that a place that has legalized prostitution, you might have less shame about other sexual issues. The Czech Republic is considered one of the most liberal Central European countries with regards to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender (LGBT) rights. In 2006 it legalized registered partnerships (registrované partnerství) for same-sex couples.

The more you are exposed to open, comfortable sexuality the less of a taboo it becomes. This should result in more open, accepting communities and possibly more interesting pornography.

And yet there is still room for more joyous bikesexual liberation!
Come get some at these fine shows!

Friday 8/8
FBB Klub Na Dráze, 
Nadražní 9
21:30h fb event

Sunday 10/8
Inner Dark
Polská 898

Prague w/ queer noises, a part of Prague Pride!
Friday 15/8
Q Cafe
Opatovická 12
18h - 20h fb event
Fuck tomorrow, we want a vision for a better tonight!

July 24, 2014

Packing the Euro Sausage

From Brats to Wieners this dick on a bike is rolling across sausage country!

What support we got from our return to Germany. First a fabulously debaucherous screening in the former East German town of Leipzig. Sometimes we do free shows (okay often we do free shows) and we usually get a lot of thanks and some sticker sales. But they really dug deep into their beer fund. Then an afterparty at the neighborhood bar turned into naked dance party because, "well we did all just watch some great porn together, so ..."

Bavaria was also fabulous in a completely different way. Leaving Leipzig after midnight then riding from Munich to the suburb of Augsburg on no sleep and just the promise of Bavarian Brunch was a delightful suffering. But white beer, white (brat)wurst, soft pretzels and a hot shower got me in the mood. The Bike Kitchen in Augsburg were really into it they even made this promotional video:

Pretty fucking cool eh? The show was also exciting. We had a massive audio blow out in the first 20 min which resulted in the speakers screaming more than 120 decibels of pain... for 3 minutes  Yikes! But after pulling all the cables (yes even the projector) there was silence. A few words of patience and the audience waited on the streets outside while we scrambled to fix the power/audio issues. another 30 min and we were back on it and the room was maybe even more packed! A very good sign. They screamed with delight and because we had never been to that town before we showed some videos form the archive we don't but out very often including  a "bike snuff" vignette from the early days. Another dance party and tall bike rides around the city ensued.

 The next day we were in Munich where the Academy of art students were presenting their final works. Really fun to have many rooms of thematic art. In a bizarre moment an artist, who wrote a great story about our first screening in Munich three years ago saw us in the halls of the Academy and showed us her art. Her room ended up winning the best in show which is pretty fucking cool.

It was a really hot night. We were planning to do it inside the Kulturjurte (Culture Yurt) but that was gonna be a sauna so the rad bikesexual folks at Bike Kitchen who made a good poster and organized it help us set it up under the stars. It felt great!

Our Bike Smut Munich office got some photos too!

Then a gloroius ride along the Danube which has a excellent bike trail...

Now we are about to have 3 shows in 3 days!

Thursday at the Bike Kitchen in Linz

Friday with Critical Mass in Bratslava

Saturday in Vienna


July 15, 2014

Germanus Interrupts

We were in the midst of a pretty excellent bike tour, traveling all across Italy from Torino to Naples to Venice then out of Italy cross Slovenia to Zagreb, Croatia back to Slovenia to Graz, Austria.

1000s of kilos of hardcore bike pumping action!

And then there was a call to arms and legs! We are going to Bike Wars!

The former East German town of Leipzig is the battleground for another brutal example of why bikers should be given lots of welding equipment and beer.

Bike Smut will bring these warriors to a frenzied pitch!

Wednesday, 16 July (more events all weekend!)
G16 – Giesserstrasse 16

Then the march will continue south to the gentler Bavarian lands (that already are perpetually soaked in beer)

Friday, 18 July
CityClub, Königsplatz

Saturday, 19 July  
Bike Kitchen - Akademiestr 2-4

Then our rubber treads mercilessly over the former Austrian-Hungarian Empire

Thursday, 24 July
BikeKitchen - kapuzinerstrasse 36

Bratislava  Critical Mass!
Friday, 25 July

Saturday, 26 July
Schikaneder Margaretenstraße 24

Will we make it to Budapest or will the prudes halt our easternly advancement leaving us the sweet nectar of the Czech Republic to suckle upon?

The bikesexual war of eastern Europe shall be won or lost in these days. Do not sit idly by, stand up and let the world know that you love your fucking bicycle and you will proudly defend yourself from anti-bikesexual fascists... this is how we do it 

end transmission

June 25, 2014

Cuntclusion of the Bike Fucking Tour of Italy

We are in the final push across the Northeast to cover this country with better sex and better transportation. We are thrilled to be here celebrating the European Hardcourt Bike Polo Championships! It may be the wettest event we have been since a Mini Bike Winter Cupcake Challenge resulted in a near death by riding a bike into the Willamette River.

We also will get to ride with Critical Mass this Friday in Padova and we have great hopes that we will find a creative way to share our program with all the rad bikers who keep doing it in the street!

We also have some excellent contacts in Venice, a city that is so car-free you can't even ride your bike in it. How will this turn our for our plucky team of intrepid porno explorers?

Stay tuned via our various social media diseases:!/BikeSmut
Great for immediate action. Lots of pictures from the tour and other musings mostly bike-sex related!
Like pictures? Loads of sexy bikers doing it, doing it and doing it rad!
If you have a face you can put it right up this URL!

or just do it old school style and write us a letter: 

We only are a little annoyed by people who can write us but can't bother to look on the website we take so long to update. [grumblegruble]

June 19, 2014

Lubrifichiamoci bene e veniamo in bici sempre!

Staserra in Bologna!

@ Xm24 - Via Fioravanti 24

Dominica in Vincenza


Verona, Venice, Padova on the verge! Its our final push across the North of Italy!

May 27, 2014

Call for Entries! BikeSmut 8: ComeAgain

The deadline has been extended!
Answer call for artists to our 8th year of bikesexual films!
9 / 9 / 14

Wait, what do you want?

We want to see your ideas on the human/bicycle condition. We want to have our feelings on sexuality and/or mobility challenged. We love hot people on hot bikes but there is plenty of other way to express yourself. Why is getting around under your own power sexy? Show us what happens to your body just before you ride; show us just after! Can you visually demonstrate the tingle of excitement that comes from your body's freedom of movement?

We are asking the hoards of horny bikers and human-transportation-curious perverts we call bike-sexuals to openly express their desires. There are so many different ways to get around. We dont care if you are commuting or recreating, racing or cruising, climbing or bombing, on paved streets or bushwacking, going epic or running errands, for love or money, in singlets or unitards, by yourself or in a pack. If you are straight or gay, cis or trans, on a bike or a board or a wheelchair, whatever! we want it all and we take it all!

We also want an unprecedented amount of explicitly expressed verbal consent. Everyone wants to see you get on and get off but our bonus challenge we are asking is can you actually express your desires? How can you demonstrate a sexy way to get consent? Your film might inspire someone else to ask for explicit verbal consent, and that is pretty sexy to us!

So you want me to make a film about bikes and sex...  but what will you do with these movies? 

Your heartfelt expression of velo-love is sacred! Every year we make a new program of movies that travels to around 100 different places every year. We gather the bike punks, the perverts, the art snobs and the transportation wonks who like to wank... a stew of people who crave more authentic, DIY ideas about getting on and getting off! They come to the show and they want to see you! They want you against the wall, they want you in the basement, they want you in the streets! They want you wherever you feel sexy and confident and they want the unfiltered joy you have discovered at your body's sexual mobility.

Uh- huh, so where are these filmmakers from?

In last year's program, Bike Smut 7: The Porny Express, we received three films from Montreal, all from different artists. This is a new all time record for a city set by some fabulously dirty franko-cino-cycle-philes! But we get submissions of bicycle erotica from all over. Besides Canada and the US we have received great movies from Germany, Italy, Australia, France, United Kingdom, Denmark, and Croatia. This year we are hoping to see more films from Latin America! If you know anyone from Tijuana to Terra del Fuego please share this call for artists with them!

I'll be sure to work on that, so where do you show these... films?

It might be easier to answer where we *DONT* we show these films. We make screenings happen in all sorts of locations! Bike Shops, cultural centers, squats, university campuses, bars, communes, backyards, art galleries... all manner of venues. Some, like the historic Byrd Theater in Richmond are massive monuments to the cinematic arts. Other spots like the Women's Center in Zurich are a modest salon where only the first 20 people will get a seat. Finding venues and sharing these films is not easy. Thankfully lots of people want to see them and we are proud to share them.

This past year we completed our first solo bike tour of North America.  We pounded more than 3,000 miles of hard American pavement bringing The Porny Express across the North, Atlantic and the South.
screenings not shown: Utah, Colorado, Washington, Oregon, B.C. and Alaska
Presently we are in the middle of a bike tour across Europe. 1000s of Kilometers by bicycle. Hauling a projector, screen, cables, merchandise, in addition to all the other stuff people would carry when on extended bike tour: bourbon, sleeping bag, and a massive box of condoms.

And this is only a small section of the number of shows we are doing in Europe. By partnering with local bike perverts we have been able to encourage more bikesexual emancipation. Just as with cycling you cannot get there by desire alone, you actually have to work it and the results are blissful.

In all we expect to screen this program 93 times this year.

That's all fine but what about MY film? These are all places you went with the last year's program, what about next year?

Well arn't you just the most precocious pornographer in the room? Well we have some pretty exciting plans for you as well. In fact we have never before had this much advance thought put into our program. We will be touring Bike Smut 8: Come Again for 9 months! September 2014 clear through until the Spring of 2015!

So you want to make me a porn star? I mean, I always thought it would be fun but I'm not sure I'm ready for that kind of "commitment" 

We hear ya! Many people who are in the sex industry suffer for being outed as a sex worker. If you make a porn than you become a porn star for life. Seriously? Whats up with that?

We think that sexuality is too important to leave to the professionals. Some of them are doing very impressive work but we all have interesting ideas and kinks. Moreover we shouldn't have to feel like we might loose our jobs just because we are mature enough to admit that we enjoy sex!

Every year we organize around 100 screenings. By using our sweet math skills we have determined that we have had around 700 screenings and not a single leak. In every screening we make sure that you are protected. You don't want to have your movie screened in a specific place? No problem. You need to make sure someone's face or tattoos is not seen? We can help. These requests have been asked from us in the past and we have been able to work with the filmmakers to make sure they are safe.

What's this gonna cost me?

Our film festival is, as it will always be, free for filmmakers to submit. You did the work of making the movie; our job is to share it. (although we would like to charge people who send us films that have nothing to do with sexuality or transportation.)

Okay, lets say I want to make a movie, how do I start?

All it takes is an idea. You are the center of your own bikesexual universe. Give yourself a little time to meditate on what you really enjoy about bikes and sex. How would you ideally represent this? Another way is to imagine you are at a screening of your short film. Try to put yourself in the position of the audience. What do you want to see?

Some people make a film entirely on their own.  Others ask people they trust to help them and still others make the exciting request to have someone they barely know help them make a porn. It is a little scary making yourself vulnerable. But just like a cyclist in the streets if you can overcome your fears and boldly state your desires you will find most people are quite accommodating. What do you have to loose? They are your desires; work to making your bikesexual dreams come true!

OKAY! OKAY! OKAY! You convinced me. I'll do it!

Wonderful! Did you edit it? We only want finished works. If you are having trouble or are a first time filmmaker please let us know we have lots of helpful advice because we have made lots of mistakes in the past. Your movie should be 8 minutes or less. If you want more time please contact us: bikesmut[at]

Whoa this is hard, how long do I have?

Yes, filmmaking can be a challenge. The deadline for submissions HAS BEEN EXTENDED! The new deadline is Tuesday, September 9th (or 9/9/14 for you euro folk). Its gonna be a hot summer, you should get started right away! Typically we have the premiere in June but due to our dreamy bike tour of Europe we are pushing it back. So you have an extra two months to share the fun between your legs!

I did it! I challenged some taboos and I want to share my film!

Fucking stoked.

Congratulations. This is no small feat. Sometimes it can be a simple idea that captures the imagination and other times its an epic like Lawrence of bike-fucking Arabia. What matters is you did it. We are thrilled you want to share your ideas with the rest of the world and so are they. Please fill out this form that verifies that the people involved were of the age of consent at the time of production. It's not as scary as it sounds. You are not signing your work over to us, you maintain your rights; we are happy just sharing it.

You make it easier for bikers to talk about sex. You make it
possible for sex fiends to enjoy biking. You make your community
stronger and more aware. You share these things with people you care
about because it improves their lives. All you have to do is make a movie. 
 Please submit to Bike Smut 8: Come Again
Extended Deadline for entry - 
September 9th, 2014

May 23, 2014

Milano Bikesexual Art

It is difficult to put into words all the organization and bikelove made possible by the volunteers in Milano. But they tried.

"The films are spectacular, but they are just the pretext for what is possible. The best thing about Bike Smut is our community making time to explore sexuality and mobility... it can produce some pretty wild ideas." ~ Cauz, Milano organizer

With so much great art being made we decided we had to share it.

May 15, 2014

Sicily, What a Fucking Island

What a fabulous time on the island of Sicily!

A micro vacation in paradise with loads of hot bikers and perverts? We accept!

The Catania Bike Festival was a massive and well organized. With loads of bike events in a large park overlooking the Centro we had 3 days of spectacular views, races, activities, bike polo, entertainment, Critical Mass and of course bici porno!

They have some great people there working together to make great things happen. Zeronove, for example, is a grand bike shop / venue / culture gathering spot. Catania is lucky to have them.

Among the great things Catania has going for it include Europe's largest active volcano, Mt. Etna. Dwarfing Mt. Tabor (Portland's own volcano), Mt Etna covers an area 1506 times as large. Where you can ride the circle on top of Tabor in less than 60 seconds our circumnavigation of Etna took about 10 hours, alternating from pavement, to gravel, to sand, to wooded paths, to boulders, to expansive lava flows and back to pavement. But if the surface was varied the climate was constantly changing! On our circumnavigation our elevation was mostly between 1,500 and 2,200 meters and we got no shortage of weather. Full sun, driving rain, sleet, snow, and brisk winds so strong I found myself braking on an incline! After traveling and biking for so many years you start to think you have seen it all, then you realize you are accelerating beyond your comfort going uphill and you haven't pedaled in the past 30 seconds. That was different.

say "lesbian"

in the distance, mainland Italy

It took a little be of figuring out but we got a last minute show in Palermo. We do mean last minute. We found out about a show at Taverna Bukowski and asked to be added to the schedule the day before. An hour after the show was over we were on a ferry heading north to Genova to continue our Bicycle Fucking Tour d' Italia!

Can we bring more bikesexual excitement to Italy? YES WE CAN!