December 14, 2014

Finishing the Texas Two Step

Double down! We are closing out 2014 with grace and patience. Rather than going crazy busting ass providing our delicious, hand-crated, human-powered, sex-positive porno to as many willing recipients as possible we will be practically relaxing with only with a pair of fun shows in Texas!



Thursday, Dec 18th
K23 Gallery 
702 Fredericksburg Rd
doors at 7pm, performances at 8:30
$3 suggested donation, 21+ 
 FB event page

Featuring art by Louie Chavez, Frances Minten, Mark Olivares, Jessica Garcia, Tony Gnosis, Marc Montoya, Bryan Duff, Shannon Wingate, Eric Montez, Dani Dickson, Angelle Benitez, as well as San Antonio’s only screening of the 8th Annual Bike Smut Film Festival! With a live performances by Zombie Bazaar, comedy and spoken word by Javier Bazaldua, Travis Reyes, Brian Powell and Casey Chacon.  Music by PopGuy. 

Then we are in Houston!

Nostuoh is one of those places that when you say you are hosting a screening of erotic bicycle films they often raise their eyebrows and say, "oh really?" then they nod and follow up with, "well that would be perfect" and it always has been. A great staff and a bar that is more than just "Houston" spelled backwards it actually emulates bizzaro world Houston. We have not officially seen anyone paid to drink there but it wouldn't surprise us. It is a wonderful place for the misfits of otherwise mind numbing downtown to gather to enjoy bikeporn... for one night only!



Tuesday, December 23rd
Notsuoh
314 Main Street
8pm, $7 donation, 21+

FB event page

Then we get our longest break in years! More than two weeks! So exciting! 

December 4, 2014

Come Again, deep in the cornhole of Texas

What a fucking bird!




Okay, we didn't actually put our genitals inside the carcass of a butchered turkey...  that is probably illegal or something (necro-beastiality meats foodporn? Oh you want that? Okay you asked for it)






The time for being thankful has ended. 
The time for greed is upon us!

Time to give yourself the gift of giving yourself a .gif



This weekend is the Texas premiere of Bike Smut 8: Come Again!

Saturday, Dec 6th in Austin
North Door $7 advance price! Get your tickets now while they are cheap!
502 Brushy St
7pm Doors open! Bring in your bicycle and porn mags then get crafty with Queer Ride
9:30 Screening! Performance!
11ish Dancing!
Have you had enough social media disease today? Enjoy our FB event

Thats right you can have it all!

As long as "all" is a pair of hot bikers and "have it" is them rampaging your salty, bloated caucus with their minds and phalluses.


Wait, thats not right. Instead these charming gentlemen will probably buy you a drink then politely ask your permission to submerge you in a bath of salt water with ginger, sugar, habanero, and citrus* for a few days before they consensually split you open, rip out your spine, break your breastbone, stuff garlic and herbs under your skin and leave you trembling under a bed of onion and potatoes in a cozy pot around 350 degrees for a couple hours or something.



Yes it takes a certain special kind of pornographer to turn an abused pile of flesh into ...



Yes, thats some Lumbersexual Daisy Dukes giving you the bird. 

* while this recipe is unbeaten we also cook hella amazing vegan food too, just saying.

What can we say, we fucking present well for the holidays. Plus bourbon, because bourbon.

Go ahead, beg us to visit your family and ComeAgain!


November 18, 2014

Boning Your Eros Zonna


Winter has come to North America; it's time to go down... south!




For residents of Arizona, this weekend is a double fisting of joyous bikesexual activity!






Friday Nov 21
Space 55
636 E Pierce St
Doors at 7:00 pm, show at 7:40. 
$7 FB event








Saturday Nov 22
The Screening Room
127 E Congress St
Doors at 9:00 pm, show at 9:30
$6  FB Event

tickets for the Tucson show available now:
http://ticketing.us.veezi.com/purchase/417?siteToken=GAu7uImSdEC5HXYFrmnrmg%3D%3D


Adults only, please!



Austin! Houston! San Antonio! You are next!

November 5, 2014

Come Again, Rockies!

We have a slew of great shows coming up for you higher elevated bikesexuals!




Saturday Nov 8th
Denver
Velowood Cyclery - 2526 E Colfax 
Two shows!  8pm  and 10pm! $8  FB Event


Sunday Nov 9th
Boulder
Phoenix Asylum - 2510 47th St, Boulder
7pm, $8 FB Event

Tuesday Nov 11th
Ft. Collins
Lyric Cinema - 300 E Mountain Ave
9:30pm  $10 FB Event
http://lyriccinemacafe.com/bike-smut/

Wednesday Nov 12th
Col Springs
Voodoo Leatherworks, 2422 Busch Ave
9pm $1-10  FB Event

Friday Nov 14th
Salt Lake
Physics Warehouse
8pm  $5  FB event

Sunday Nov 16th
Albuquerque
Pornotopia, The Guild Cinema 3405 Central Ave NE
7pm $10 FB event
Join the group ride to the show!


Look at the Rocky Mountain grouping! Thats 6 shows in 9 days! (Not including the double header in Denver!) How are we to keep our minds in the gutter for such an extended period of time?

We are gonna need your help! Please reach out to someone in this region and share with them the value of kickass sex and transportation!








October 19, 2014

Exxxtra Curricular California Porno!

Bike Smut is touring down the west coast by bicycle. As such we get to have some pretty curious adventures and meet lots of colorful characters.



We also get to show porn is some pretty odd places...

TONIGHT in San Luis Obispo (or SLO)
Bike Smut selected cuts! 8 years of whatever we want!
Perfect Vision
2020 Ruth St
7:30 pm
Donations




Wake up you bastion of conservative fuddyduddies! We got the hot bikesexul action coming at ya!

October 14, 2014

Los Fuckin Angles

Bike Touring is great. We are riding south along the west coast! It great to be on the road again and now with a fabulous new tourista!



It gives time to ponder some of the great questions of our time, for example:
QUESTION: "How many LA bikesexuals can dance on the head tube?"
QUESTION: "When can I watch a screening of erotic bike films?"
QUESTION: "Where did you get that 'My other car is a tiny penis' sticker?"

Thankfully these questions have answers, which we are prepared to offer below:

October 24th
Church of Fun

410X Melrose Ave


ANSWER: EVERY LA BIKESEXUAL DANCES ON HEAD TUBES!

October 2, 2014

Extra Bay Area Action!

We are having a hoot at El Rio!

But the bikesexual train doesn't stop rolling just cause we are in the most densely populated city on the west coast.

We got 3 more shows for ya!

Wednesday in Oakland!
Feelmore 510, 1703 Telegraph Ave, 9pm




Thursday in Emeryville!
GUAVA, 4210 Holden St, 8pm





Saturday in San Jose! 
Back Bar  21 N. 3rd St


September 27, 2014

Stepping into El Rio

Heraclitus said, "you can't step in the same river twice"

But if he were alive and in San Francisco this week he would totally say, "You can watch all new bicycle pornography at El Rio!

Two years ago the Bay Area forces of rad, sex positive queerdom* gathered to appreciate Bike Smut 6: Turning Trixxx. We had a fantastic performance by Bianca Stone:




In the two years since that screening we have showed forced haircuts from Chicago, golden showers and swampy dendrophilia from Gainesville, greasy cock and ball torture from Berlin, spaghetti-western anarchists from Montreal, gender queer Mario Brothers from Geneva, hardfem bicycle-mounted cavalry-archers hunting to feed their sexual appetites in Pheonix, and a hardcore ginger-on-ginger bisexual, bikesexual educational film... and that was just in Bike Smut 7: The Porny Express

Now with Come Again we will share androgynous frottage in an ice cave, bike thief revenge, euro bicycle lap dances, bike gang consensual non consent, wheelchair porn and the finest collection of animated gifs the internet could provide!

But since we never got to show #7 we will be selecting some choice cuts from each program! We have a lot of great porn to share and only a few chances to share it!

Dont miss a step in your river of bikesexual fantasies, come watch porn made by your community!

Bike Smut 8: Come Again
Thursday October 2nd
El Rio
3158 Mission St
9pm, $10 suggested donation



September 17, 2014

Eureka! The Porn is between our legs!

For the first time in two years Bike Smut is going back to California!
We have several shows planned but please contact us to help us set up more!



First stop, NorCal!
Sunday, September 21
The Ink Annex
47 B West 3rd St, E
7pm, $5-10 
Eureka

Live musical performance by Mad River Rounders
Q & A post screening for you brainy types.

Get yr FB on https://www.facebook.com/events/631555846943688/

SF is booked! Can we get any more shows in the middle? Contact bikesmut@gmail.com and let us know you deserve good sex and transportation!